Well, it’s that time of year, again. It’s time to publish the 2010 Nelson Newsletter. My editor has been on me to get this thing done for a couple of weeks. Heaven knows, in this economy, I can’t risk her looking for another “columnist”.
This year, the Nelson Newsletter staff will be introducing a segment called The Letter Bag, where we take your emailed questions and answer them in a very confusing and unsatisfying way, creating cliffhanger situations, which will pave the way for the 2011 Nelson Newsletter! Let’s get started with some excellent run-on sentences…
Martha S: “Is it true that this year Wendy was released from the Young Women’s program at Church and now organizes activities for the Relief Society? Further, did Wendy really start her own garden this year, after Nathan’s dad tilled ground in the backyard, and, as a result, did she not harvest some excellent tomatoes which Nathan ate in possibly thousands of salads?”
2010 NN: Yes.
Martha S: “Oh. Wait. So is it ‘backyard’ or ‘back yard’, then? ‘Cause I was looking on www.grammarbook.com, and …”
2010 NN: It’s…both.
Martha S: “I hear that this is Wendy’s 4th year of having a salon in her home. Has she done anything else that we should know about?”
2010 NN: Yes. She also took up bicycling, running, and is lengthening her goals for the coming year. And before you ask, she hasn’t mentioned what those might be. We’re hoping it’s a bike across Utah. But we’d settle for a triathlon. One of her choice. We’d join her.
Martha S: “What I really wanted to ask, because it seems like space is not a luxury that you can afford to waste in a newsletter format like this, is, what did Wendy do, specifically to benefit Roxie’s and Reagan’s education, this year?
2010 NN: Well, for one she reads with the kids frequently. But more to the point, she actually volunteered at their school, helping out with some of their activities and events.
Miss Marie and Miss Debi: “So in regard to Roxie and Reagan: Did they not turn four, in this, their second year of preschool, and are their teachers not impressed with their progress, learning skills, and attitude? Also, aren’t their teachers awesome?”
2010 NN: They are.
Chris F: Hey, um, remember how, like, earlier this year, Lucy went into the pre-stages of RSV and um, remember how Nathan and Wendy had to drive her to the hospital every day so that doctors could get that stuff out of her lungs?
2010 NN: Yes.
Chris F: That was awesome.
2010 NN: No, it wasn’t. It was horrible and miserable. It was un-awesome, Chris.
Chris F: But what about the fact that she learned to walk? Or that, when she hands you her drink, she says “thank you”. Or that “thank you” means anything she wants it to?
2010 NN: Well, of course that’s confusing and adorable.
Dan B., San Jose, Ca: “Is it true that the San Jose Sharks are poised to go all the way to the Stanley Cup, this year?”
2010 NN: That seems a little inappropriate for a family newsletter. But, ABSOLUTELY YES, as long as we can keep from putting the puck in our own net. *cough*
Common Sense Tribune: “Did you just now discover that this Q&A format might take up way too much space, rendering a complete, well thought out, time consuming and brain-exhausting newsletter impossible? Also, is it not the cutest thing when Roxie prays, thanking Jesus for being born and also how she apologizes and starts to cry when she’s done wrong?”
2010 NN: Uh…yes…on both counts.
Hasbro: “What possible anagrams are available from Wendy’s blocked-letter Christmas word “Believe”, on the TV entertainment center?”
2010 NN: So far, without using an anagram generator, we have “Live Bee, Vile Bee, Bee Veil, Eel Vibe, and I’m Le Eve”.
Hasbro: “Surely, it drives her crazy when Nathan rearranges those blocks on a daily basis.”
2010 NN: It does. And don’t call me Shirley.
SI: “2010 NN, since Nathan started running triathlons, this year, which, of all of them, was the most memorable?”
2010 NN: In August, at the end of the Utah Half Triathlon, which consisted of a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, and 13.1 mile run, Nathan reported that the Utah Half Marathon was, to use his own words, “…horrible. Asinine and stupid. Who does this stuff!!!? Never again. I WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER do one of THOSE again!” He’s planning on another triathlon in the spring. His friend, Patrick, makes him do these.
golakehavasu.com: “You went to Lake Havasu as a family, this year. Is that not the best place in the world?”
2010 NN: I…uh…That was certainly a glowing description. Yes, the Nelson family went to Lake Havasu this spring with Wendy’s sister’s family, the Langfords. It was a lot of fun. They spent a lot of time on the Langford’s boat, swimming, and checking out the London Bridge, which, as you well know, resides in Arizona.
golakehavasu.com: “It does?”
And that does it (forever) for The Letter Bag.
Before I close this out, some last words…
I’m fortunate to live in this country with its many freedoms and privileges. I have a great family. My wife works tirelessly to make sure that things feel like Christmas at this time of year. It’s something that I look forward to each season. I love her. My kids are perfect above average. I love them. I work for a company that has been strong and continues to move forward in difficult times. I know I am blessed.
Ok, looks like one more question was just emailed in…we’re short on space, but let’s allow it.
Readers of the 2010 NN: Please promise us that you will never, ever use a Q&A format for a newsletter, again.
2010 NN: Not really a question. But fine. We promise.